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Amazing: Reasons why Naija Men get laid, and Kenyan Men Don't. A Kenyan point of view

Never knew there was an on-going competition for who's easily gets laid .
this is truly revealing.

I’ve never been to Nigeria but I have a lot of Nigerian pals here in Uganda. I find them fascinating, bold, confident, charismatic, aggressive and they are natural PPPs (Pied Pipers of Pu*#@) These brodas get more action from our East African sisters than any of our own brothers; Kenyans especially as Ugandans & Tanzanians get a sizable amount of kandahar (Ugandan slang for lady business).Spending time with these PPPs has highlighted 10 reasons why Naija guys get laid & Kenyan men don’t.
Here are the first four reasons, and why Kenyan men are getting outplayed.
Concept of a Woman:
The first explanation derives from a Nigerian man’s concept of a woman. Kenyan men see women as a ready-made microwave sex mix (pop her in the microwave for 5 minutes and she is ready for sex). As soon as they see a woman, they begin to wonder what she looks like naked, how her lips fold around their joy stick, what it would be like to tit-jaculate (this is known as the Catholic style apparently…mwaga bila uoga), does her booty onion shape in a particular style and how good is the kandahar.
 But Nigerian men see the opposite: a divine being, deserving the best things in life and befitting a royal treatment. A Kenyan guy will take a chick out on a date and expect an instant withdrawal of pleasure tantamount to the cash he’s spent, but a Nigerian man’s aim is for the lady to thoroughly enjoy the night with no expectation but that she feels special. Where a Kenyan boy is busy calculating the cost vs pudding ratio, the Naija broda is calculating the cost = happiness ratio and spoiling this young lady well well. The Kenyan guy will focus on the hymen at the beginning of the tunnel during the date, the Naija man will only hope to see the smile on his companions face. The guy will take her to the best restaurant, order the best meal, best champagne, focus on her conversations (most Kenyan men think a date is an interview with Oprah & spend the whole night talking about themselves) and expect nothing but the joy of knowing she is happy. After a great evening, he will drop her home (sober) and beg to see her again.
On the contrast, the Kenyan man has done his best to get his date high and uses the old ‘let me make sure I tuck you into bed’ excuse to get into her pants (that is a very stupid expression…how can a man want to get into your pants? It’s you he wants to get into, not your underwear). The Naija guy will give her a soft hug then walk away heading back to his car & it’s at this point that the chick goes all weak, breaks her defences and asks ‘Aren’t you coming in’ and gives the broda all that she’s got. The Kenyan guy, on the other hand, wakes up next to a hangovered chick who curses herself for allowing him to sneak into her kandahar and throws him out, never to return. Poor bastard! The Naija bloke gets a 6 month visa + first class tickets to kandahar but the Kenyan gets deported after the first day.
Different Game Play:
Men are hunters; it’s just the game that differs. Kenyan men hunt for easy game, devour and get back to the hunt. It’s tantamount to buying a fake Chinese t-shirt…you know that after 3 washes it shall fade, but as its cheaper than an authentic one you still go ahead & purchase it. After 3 washes it fades and you go back to buy the self-same useless t-shirt that will fade after 3 washes. A Nigerian man get sense now, he will buy the authentic t-shirt that will handle 50 washes, making it economical vis-à-vis the Chinese replica.
Good women, quality women don’t come cheap (I don’t mean purchasing price but maintenance cost) and Naija men understand this and they are prepared to do whatever it takes to meet the pecuniary prerequisites of the merchandise. I hear Kenyan women whining ‘How can he call us merchandise, he makes us sound materialistic’…shut up, you know you are! Your hair, your clothes, your shoes, your nails, your car, your gym membership, your spa treatment, your cellulite treatment, your rent, your fuel, your jewellery ALL make you a financial liability…so shut it! Now where were we, yes, a Kenyan man would run away from such a lady, labelling her as high maintenance but a Nigerian man will perceive her as a diamond requiring certain ‘necessities’ to stay shinning and he will provide them because he knows if his diamond shines, he shines. And if he polishes her essence she too shall in turn polish his ‘oga cane’.
Kenyan men are known as players because they have one chick here, another there and the other in the waiting to be here or there. They do their best to juggle all three (or more) at the same time but get busted and end up on the kandahar restricted entry list. Your face is emailed to all kandahars in the country, with the warning ‘Do not allow passage’ under your picture, destroying any chance of getting further action thanks to the UKS (United Kandahar Sisterhood). A Nigerian, on the other hand, will focus on one ‘mission’ at a time. He go chop am well well, then move to the next target, avoiding the wrath of the UKS and leaving a trail of satisfaction, respect and a ‘return anytime’ invitation to kandahar. You see, just because you don’t intend to settle with the lady it doesn’t mean you disrespect her. Give her the attention she deserves, the respect she deserves, the affection she deserves and when the fun expires give her the send-off she deserves. Chopping another when you are with her is just not the Nigerian way.

Impressions Matter
Many people perceive my Naija pals in Kampala as business executives (they drive luxury cars & wear very expensive designer clothes) but they are not. Often women come up and ask me what profession my pals are in and being the ‘ask all & tell none’ bloke that I am I simply ricochet the question and ask them ‘Which profession do you think they are in?’ This is where it gets funny, I get all types of up market job titles from bankers, to musicians, to lawyers…but if only they knew. So I smile and go ‘Yes, you are right’ and they play along.
Is that wrong? No! They never said they were bankers, lawyers or musicians they created the impression based on their self-perception (you don’t have to be a banker to be proud of your being, you can be a hawker but carry yourself with the pride of a banker). They never consciously duped anyone into thinking they are not who they are BUT this is a mistake a lot of Kenyan men do, they verbally lie about who they really are. I was once at Hilton in Nairobi and sat at the bar as I waited for a Kenyan pal I wanted to do business with. A few tables away were a couple chatting away & having a great time. The man was having a beer and the lady had a glass of red wine in her hand and they were having a great time. The man was busy promulgating his business deals to this lady and she was mightily impressed. He went on and on about how much money he makes, the cars he owns and his big house…I too was impressed. Then my friend (a prominent but very modest Kenyan business man) walks in and we exchange our pleasantries then he calls his driver- the guy with the big money, the cars and the massive house- to take us to another venue…abeg you should have seen the lady’s face o, kai!
Creating a false perception of who you are will always land you into trouble for the day the truth is out, the UKS (United Kandahar Sisterhood) will send out a memo and you are back to masturbation my son. Nigerian men don’t lie, verbally, about their disposition but leave it to the perception of the observer to place them into a stereotype that they wish, and they in turn accommodate the selected slot. I mean, who wouldn’t…if you’re thinking am a lawyer will get me laid then hey, your honour I rest my case. If my dressing leads you to think I’m a banker and am going to get laid because of it then hey, let me handle your assets baby. So long as I never said am a lawyer or a banker am blameless; you assumed I was and gave me some under this assumption. I have learned a great deal from my Naija pals I tell you.

Understand Her Needs
I was told that in Abuja, if a guy wants to sleep with a chick he buys her a car or a house. Ati what!! Kwani there is no soap for one to ‘assist’ themselves ama these Abuja women have what types of kandahars? A car? A house? Na wah o! After several exclamations of ‘what the fuck’ I sobered down to as why. Ati, the reason is…hehehehehehe…get this, she has needs. Oga God,abeg what’s up with you o, si you could have made me an Abuja woman o- I’d be driving the latest Jaguar and I’d be living in a 15 room mansion, a yatch and a helicopter…I swear I’d be a whore. I would set up a 3 year kandahar plan to get a house, a swimming pool, a car, a helicopter, a yatch, a private jet, YOTE! I’d have business cards written ‘Oga Poke Am’…anytime…any style…any day!
Now imagine a Kenyan man in Abuja trying to get laid, what does the poor bastard have to offer vis-à-vis a car/house? ‘Oh my dear, you have nice eyes’…abeg she go slap you o. Or ‘Si we go to Java then for a movie after’…wuuuuiiiiiiiiii. Kenyan men don’t understand the needs of a woman. When a Nigerian man sees a woman, he seeks what value he can add to her life; how he go better her as they say. If she is walking, he will tell her ‘I go buy you car’. If she is staying with her parents he will tell her ‘I go buy you house’. He wants to add value to her life. A Kenyan man, wuuuiiiiiiiiiii, just sees how he go better his libido at the cheapest rate. He finds a way of how he go better his ego by showing off that he’s slept with you to his mates. The man na be selfish o. A Naija man will get some because he is adding value to the individual, unlike the Kenyan man who tries to grab a slice from a department without paying homage to the individual.





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Soft Porn made in Ghana- As Explicit contents take over Ghanaian movies


BENG! BENG,!BENG! like Femi Kuti sang, is the new trend in the Ghanaian movie industry.
A series of moans and groans, oohs and aahs, naked bodies, caressing and thrusting are the highlights of these productions.
We all agree that sex sells as has been proven by the success of Hollywood, but Ghanaian movies are more brazen than any hollywood production we have seen.
In a series of latest blockbuster releases, it seems that Ghanaian directors are veering from African norms with ranges of homosexual scenes and one movie that is entirely based on men in love.
Now we are not talking about the backstreet 'shamefull' variety but about real mainstream movies. but to be fair to Ghana, there are quite a number of Nigerian actors in these movies.
Nollywood which is ranked no.3 after Hollywood and Bollywood, is largely assocoated with Nigerian movies, but with this new genre in Ghana, all we can say is "watch out Nigeria!' With changing trends and Africa succumbing to the call of wild abandonment, Ghana just may become the Kings of Nollywood.
It all boils down to this: Sex sells...and If sex sells, then that's what's going to be served!


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Mother sells kidney for son become a second-generation rich

Host: Next in our show is another mom. She is truly a great mom, but her love for her son may have gone to the wrong direction. Why saying so? Because when her son said, “Mom, I want to be a second-generation rich. I want to be rich,” the mom, without hesitation, decides to sell her kidney to make her son’s dream come true.
Narrative: Mrs. Wang accompanies her husband to Ningbo as a migrant worker. Her son works at Guangzhou by himself. He doesn’t earn much. Recently, her son’s girlfriend wants to get married but her son think it’s not the right time since they don’t have the economic base for a marriage. Angrt at the response, the girlfriend threads to break up with him. Depressed by the whole situation, Mrs. Wang’s son gave her a call.
Mrs. Wang: He told me that he wanted to be a second-generation rich, “If I have money, I can have my own career.” I kept his words in my heart.
Narrative: Then Mrs. Wang thinks of donating her kidney for money. But her ridiculous idea is rejected by local Red Cross. Hearing the rejection, Mrs. Wang looks very disappointed. Her entire body is cast in sadness.
Journalist: Does your son know about your plan to donate your kidney for money?
Mrs. Wang:  No
Journalist: Why not?
Mrs. Wang: I don’t want him to know, otherwise, he’d be sad.
Narrative: Mrs. Wang’s hope of selling kidney for money isn’t dead after being rejected by local Red Cross. When she is asked about what she would do next, she still plans to sell her kidney in some other ways.
Mrs. Wang: If nothing works, I will sacrifice my life in exchange for his happiness.
Journalist: Do you think it’s worthwhile to do so for your son?
Mrs. Wang: Of course.
Journalist: Why?
Mrs. Wang: To make my son feel proud, it’s worth everything.
Host: That is the great love of a mom. I can sympathize with the mom – she loves her son. The son is the one to blame. He has a girlfriend and is an adult, yet he still has unrealistic dreams of becoming a second-generation rich. Do you think such a person can achieve anything in life? If he’s a man, he should think of how to work hard to have a career and let his son be a second-generation rich. Why dreaming for rich parents?

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What a balls up: Man 'dies after having testicles squeezed during fight over parking space'



A man is reported to have died in China after having his testicles squeezed during a dust up over a parking space.
According to the Australian Telegraph, an argument arose between the shopkeeper victim and a scooter rider after she was making the school run to pick up her child from a primary school in Meilan District, Haikou City.
Eyewitnesses are reported to have claimed that the 42-year-old told the unidentified woman that she was not permitted to park her vehicle in front of his store.
The dispute is said to have escalated to a “violent fist fight” after the furious mum contacted her husband and brother to assist her.
It is alleged that during the consequent scuffle that she lunged for the shopkeeper’s crotch, grabbed his testicles and squeezed until her collapsed on the ground.
The man is reported to have died in hospital. 

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WOW: Asset enhancer: Behind the scenes a contestant reveals the secret of her shapely, pert bottom: padding, padding and if in doubt, more padding


Asset enhancer: Behind the scenes a contestant reveals the secret of her shapely, pert bottom: padding, padding and if in doubt, more padding
Bouffants, biceps and padded butts: Behind-the-scenes at Miss Gay Nicaragua where contestants compete to be crowned queen of queens
The bouffants were big, the false eyelashes even bigger but it was the butts that needed most help in the enhancement department with some serious padding.

These are the pictures from the annual Miss Gay Nicaragua where 13 contestants battled it out to be crowned queen of queens at the weekend. 
The internationally famous contest, which has been a highlight on the gay community's calendar since the early 1980s, sees drag queens parade in a series of outfits before showing off their dancing skills to a panel of judges.
The contest kicked off with all 13 wannabe queens parading in outlandish costumes and enormous feathered headdresses to rounds of applause from the audience in a packed Ruben Dario National Theatre in Managua.


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For your riding pleasure- Try this @ your risk

Look, no hands! The daredevil women stunt bikers who ride the Wall of Death by choice (and they don't need helmets)

Riding a high-speed vintage motorbike round the inside of a giant wooden barrel with no hands while relying on physics to keep you alive; it seems a very unlikely job for a lady.
But for Kerri Cameron, 21, and carnival colleague Jaimi Tyrell, 19, it's all in a day's work.
Stunt riders Kerri and Jaimi ride The Wall of Death as part of Cambridgeshire-based display team The Ken Fox Troupe.




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That's going to hurt in the morning: Brutal knockout blow turns boxer's face to jelly


That's going to hurt in the morning: Brutal knockout blow turns boxer's face to jelly




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Al-Qaida offers to trade UK hostage for cleric

Al-Qaida's North African affiliate has offered to free a British hostage if London allows radical cleric Abu Qatada to leave Britain for another country.


Al-Qaida in the Islamic Maghreb in a statement posted Monday on a militant website said it would release Stephen Malcolm if Abu Qatada were let go. It warned that the British government would be responsible for the consequences if it deports him to Jordan, where he faces a terrorism trial.
Authorities in Britain have been trying to expel the Palestinian-Jordanian preacher since 2001. The European Court of Human Rights ruled in January that he could not be deported to Jordan because of a risk that evidence obtained through torture would be used against him there.

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REVENGE: Dentist Pulled Out ALL Boyfriend's Teeth After He Dumped Her…New Girlfriend Leaves Him Because Of His Empty Mouth


Breaking up is never easy -- having 32 teeth ripped out is even worse. A scorned dentist is facing jail time after surgically removing all of her ex-boyfriend's teeth after he dumped her, authorities in London said.

Marek Olszewski, 45, made the mistake of scheduling an appointment this week with his ex -- 34-year-old Anna Mackowiak -- for a toothache, according to the Daily Mail.

So Mackowiak allegedly did what any burned beau with a set of pliers and some anesthetic would do: she doped him up, pulled out all his teeth, and wrapped his head with bandages so he wouldn't notice until he left her office.

"I tried to be professional and detach myself from my emotions", she told the news site. "But when I saw him lying there I just thought, 'What a b-----d'".

Olszewski could tell something was wrong when he awoke and couldn't feel any teeth in his mouth. But he said Mackowiak assured him that he'd be fine once the numbness wore off, NDTV reported.

"I didn't have any reason to doubt her -- I mean I thought she was a professional", he said.

He was wrong.

"But when I got home I looked in the mirror and I couldn't f--king believe it", he said. "The b--ch had emptied my mouth".

Worse, Olszewski's new girlfriend dumped him because, well, she couldn't date a man without any teeth, the Daily Telegraph reported.

Mackowiak is under investigation for medical malpractice and abusing the trust of a patient. She could face three years in jail for the alleged stunt. Olszewski plans on saving money to get "indents or something".


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Footballer Obafemi Martins acquires N50m Lamborghini



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Ladies We Need Y'all To BE HONEST . . . Would You EVER RESPECT A Dude . . Who TATTED YOUR NAME ON HIS NECK . . . Like This?????



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Hon. Patrick Obaiahagbon's Birthday Wish To His Son, This Is Def Hilarious


 And the following are what he tweet about the ThisDay bomb attack a few days ago, this man is something else, no?
Thanks to berrykissinspires


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Prof Ayodele and Prof Andrew Leo Killed in Kano University Blast as Bayero University, Kano Bomb Attack: Death Toll Rise to 20.


Attackers armed with bombs and guns opened fire at church services at a university on Sunday, killing around 20 people as worshippers tried to flee, witnesses and officials said.

Explosions and gunfire rocked Bayero University in the northern city of Kano, with witnesses reporting that two church services were targeted as they were being held on campus.
One of the services was being held outdoors, while the second was inside a building, but with an overflow audience outside, witnesses said.
Officials were unable to confirm casualty figures, but an AFP correspondent counted six bullet-riddled bodies near one of the two sites.
At least another dozen bodies could be seen on a roadside by the university, but the exact number was unclear.
Musical instruments and half-eaten meals could be seen at the site of one of the services.
An army spokesman confirmed the attack but could not provide a casualty toll. Lieutenant Iweha Ikedichi told AFP that it appeared the attackers used bombs and gunfire in the assault.
Witnesses said the attackers arrived in a car and two motorcycles, opening fire and throwing homemade bombs, causing a stampede. They said worshippers were gunned down as they sought to flee.
“They first attacked the open-air service outside the faculty of medicine,” one witness said. “They threw in explosives and fired shots, causing a stampede among worshippers. They now pursued them, shooting them with guns. … They also attacked another service at thesporting complex.”
A witness who said he was at the sporting complex at the time of the attack reported hearing gunshots outside while they were praying.
“Then there was pandemonium,” he said, adding that he later saw two men outside shooting indiscriminately.
A crowd of people later gathered at a Kano hospital waiting to hear news about friends or family.
Malam Zaharadeen, University PRO said that, "Prof Ayodele of the Chemistry Departmentand Prof Andrew Leo of the Library Department, were among worshippers that were killed at Theatre Two near Sport Complex, old Campus of the institution". 
Malam Zaharadeen, University PRO said that, "Prof Ayodele of the Chemistry Departmentand Prof Andrew Leo of the Library Department, were among worshippers that were killed at Theatre Two near Sport Complex, old Campus of the institution".

The Bayero University have officially confirmed the cold blood killing of its two lecturers at St Stephen Catholic Chaplain, Bayero University, Kano in this morning's bombing.


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WOMAN OPENS FAST FOOD BOX AND FINDS MAN’S PRIVATES


An Australian woman Kylie Steger, was given a rude shock when she found a picture of a man’s  penis inside her Hungry Jack fast food dinner. Kylie said she was beyond pissed when she found a poorly drawn penis inside her hamburger box.
“It literally made me sick … If they have drawn that in there, what else have they done to my burger?

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Pep Guardiola confirms Barcelona exit

 
Pep Guardiola has confirmed he will leave Barcelona at the end of the season after he decided not to renew his contract.
His deal was due to expire at the end of June and he informed the players at training today that he would not be extending his stay at the Nou Camp.
At a press conference this afternoon, president Sandro Rosell said: "We have called you today to announce that Pep Guardiola will not continue in charge of the team next season.
"Thank you Pep for all the happiness you have brought us and for bringing a model of football that can never be questioned."
Guardiola said: "I'm sorry for the confusion in recent weeks. I've always wanted short contracts because the demands at Barcelona are so big.
"Now we were out of the two main competitions, it was a good time to announce it.
"The reason is simple. Four years, that gets everyone tired. The new coach will give things that I can't give anymore.

"I would like you to understand that this is not an easy decision for me. But I would like to explain my reasons for this decision.
"I have always wanted short-term contracts. Four years is an eternity as Barca coach. In the month of October I announced to the president and to the sporting director that I thought my spell was coming to an end.
"The main reason why I have taken this decision is because four years is many years.
"I have given everything and I have nothing left and need to recharge my batteries.
"The demands have been great and I have not been able to rest much. I have to recover and the only way I can do that is by distancing myself. Otherwise, we would have ended up damaging each other.
"I know that I'm leaving the best place to work in. I am very satisfied with the result we have achieved. I have had the great privilege of coaching fantastic players. I want to thank them."
Guardiola is thought to have met with Rosell, vice-president for sport Josep Maria Bartomeu and sporting director Andoni Zubizarreta on Wednesday - the day after they were eliminated from the Champions League by Chelsea - and indicated his desire to leave.
At the club's request he promised to give it further thought but emerged with the same decision.
He stepped up from Barca B manager to first-team boss in 2008 and has gone on to become the most successful coach in the club's illustrious history.
He has led the azulgrana to two Champions League crowns, three La Liga trophies, one Copa del Rey, three Supercopas, two UEFA Super Cups and two FIFA Club World Cups.



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ADELE BECOMES BRITAIN’S WEALTHIEST MUSICIAN


23-year-old singer and multi Grammy award winner Adele is the U.K’s wealthiest musician, according to the 24th annual survey compiled by the Sunday Times Newspaper.
The survey says the young singer stepped up from her €6m (N12.3bn)earnings in 2011, to €20m (N41.4bn) in 2012.
Her fortune tripled in the past year after massive sales of her second album ’21′. ‘Adele is been the success story of the past year by a mile. You only get an Adele once every 10 years. It is a success on a ginormous scale’, Steve Redmonds of the Entertainment Retailers Association said.
The ‘Rich List’, which is based on an estimate of the minimum wealth of the richest 1,000 people or families in the United Kingdom as at January of a particular year, also features 22 year old Harry potter star Daniel Radcliffe as the richest actor, with €54m (N1.1trn) as he tops the overall list for youngest billionaires under age 30.
Meanwhile, 27 year old actress/model Keira Knightley, becomes the highest paid model with €30m (N61.8bn), mostly due to her contract as a brand ambassador for Chanel.

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Justin Bieber and Lady Gaga to Play Aliens in 'Men in Black III'

Justin Bieber and Lady Gaga are used to being treated like otherworldly beings, so their cameos in the upcoming Men in Black III will likely seem completely natural.

Director Barry Sonnenfeld confirmed that the Biebs and Gaga would make brief appearances in the next flick, although their roles are decidedly limited. "In this [installment] there are a few people that you'll see up on the surveillance board, including Lady Gaga, Tim Burton, who probably knows more about aliens than I do, and let's see who else... Justin Bieber." 

Cue orgiastic screaming.

Sonnenfeld was careful picking his cameo subjects: "The challenge is getting celebrities that are famous, will give you permission and won't be like 'Who's that guy?' in 10 years."

Lady Gaga previously filmed a cameo for The Muppets in which she and her entourage faced off against Ms. Piggy, but the scene was cut from the theatrical version. Bieber has yet to make his major movie debut, although the documentary about his rise to fame, Never Say Never, was the highest-grossing concert in the United States since 1984. He did, however, get riddled with bullets in an episode with CSI (below, for your viewing pleasure).



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